Watching grass grow would have been way more fun

In the past few days I have been on a dating spree! Well, it was only a matter of time before I had a truly terrible date.

I will put forth this disclaimer: I feel really terrible for even retelling this story because he seems like a very nice boy...but it is too good to not talk about! I'm even leaving out some details, because really I don't feel like being a huge bitch today, just a medium sized one.

I decided it was a smart idea to go out with this bartender. He has greater aspirations in life but you know that whole economy tanking thing put a kink into that plan. Let's call this one Harry. To my luck Harry couldn't meet till later in the night, which meant I could go out with my friends before hand. I met up with my friends at a bar close to the one I was meeting him at and had a few beers. I felt a little bit looser, which is good I guess. I go to the bar at our time and sit alone drinking while I wait for him to come. I glance out the window and I see this incredibly awkward guy trying to get stuff out of his bag. I think to myself "aw poor guy". Then I see him walk into the bar, and to my horror that kid I just felt pity upon was my date.

I slink a little lower into my seat. my mind races, how the hell do I get out of this one. I figured there was no polite way out and I was stuck. He eventually finds me practically hiding under the bar. It was kinda not what I expected at all. Ok I will give him the fact that he didn't lie about his height! Thankfully... but that didn't compensate for the horrid haircut and - um- how do I put this delicately- not so hot complexion? Being the eternal optimist that I am, I think to myself, all completely fixable.

What wasn't fixable was his personality. That night I found my napkin more entertaining. I tried really hard to focus on what he was saying. Maybe it was the 2 beers I had before he came that made me want to be entertained more so than usual..but I think not.
For the first time in my life I found myself thinking about how bored I was. I noticed how his mouth was moving but I wasn't registering a damn thing. I thought, hm I wonder if he notices the completely blank stare at my face. If he does, I wonder how long it will be till he stops. When I wasn't busy having a one sided conversation he was busy talking to a pal that happened to be there. I just kinda sat that awkwardly smiling pretending like I could hear what the hell they were saying.
As the night wore on and I counted down the seconds till it was ok for me to bolt, a dashing guy wandered into the bar. I'm not one to really date pretty boys, but boy he was pretty! Then, he comes up to me! He asks me if he could have some of my food. I was like oh its not mine, its his. At this point he noticed Ii wasn't sitting there alone and he asked Harry if it was ok to take it. Harry was like yeah sure! Dreamboat laughed, looked at me, looked at him and asked if I was his date. At this point Harry adamantly denied and we were just friends (whew, but at the same time, hey!). Dreamboat then told me I had gorgeous eyes, and me being stuck in a weird spot just giggled and said thanks. Dreamboat then left, after not only stealing Harry's food, but attempting to steal his date. I cursed my situation for the next 15 minutes in my head. I'm not sure if Harry even spoke during that time. Finally it was ok for me to leave without being a bitch and I bolted faster than a dog chasing a squirrel.

I went home and deleted my online dating profile. I'm done! Not out of stories quite yet though...