Again, don't go out with a dude you give your number to drunk

I've had three bad dates since August that I have been meaning to update with... but as always, life got the best of me.

Which one to tell first...

OK a few weeks ago my friend had a party. The party moved to the bar, and then another bar. The problem is, I don't even remember leaving the first bar. I thought it was incredibly smart that day to only eat 3 scrambled eggs, go shopping for 4 hours, then drink a bottle of champagne and 3 rum and cokes.

Needless to say, I don't remember the third bar.

The next day my friend asked if I had gone home with this guy "Trip". I was like who the fuck is that?! Apparently her friend had seen us talking for a bit. I had no idea who this kid was and I was pretty sure I didn't go home with him since I woke up in my bed, alone (whew).

Then, two days later I got a text. "Hey its Trip. I met you at (insert bar name here). (insert address here). do you want to grab a drink sometime?" I went back to my friend and I told her I guess I not only talked to him, I gave him my number and for some reason he thinks by saying where he lives I should be remembering him. Beyond confused at this point, I asked my friend if he was even remotely attractive and if I should go out with him. She said sure!

I reply and we decide to meet up later that Friday night. By the time he had gotten a hold of me it was like, 11pm, oh and I was kinda drunk. I ask him to meet me outside because honestly, I have no idea what he looks like and I know I wouldn't be able to pick him out of a bar full of people. I was right, I saw him and still had no idea who he was.

I continued to get wasted. The next thing I know I am at his house with some of his friends. He tried to tell me what drunk moments I had when we met (I told him I was blackout drunk and I had no idea who he is really). Apparently we shared a cab home. Who knew! Not only that, he tried to take me to his place (hence the address in his text) and I firmly said NO then slapped him in the face.

I figure if a dude wants to hang out with a crazy drunk who slaps them in the face 30 minutes after meeting them, they must be a keeper.

One thing led to another and I wake up in his bed and leave at 8am. Ok let's fast forward though my youthful indiscretion...

I text him a few days later asking him if he wants to hang out. I mean, I didn't even really like him, but I kinda was starting to feel like a $2 ho.

SEVEN DAYS LATER, he replies.

His reply?

"sorry for the late response. I thought i was going away but i didn't. not up to much. maybe get a drink later this week?"

OK.
Stop.

Dude, you REALLY just told me that
a) you thought you were going away, but you didn't, so you were home and able to text that entire time
b) not only did you not go away, YOU DID NOTHING ALL WEEK BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GO AWAY.
c) are you fucking kidding me?!

I was so livid. I thought about waiting a few months and being like "oh sorry I thought I was moving, but didn't. Lets never hang out" but I realize that's crazy and proving that it bothered me. Really, it bothered me for like 2 weeks but now I'm just laughing.

It would have never worked anyway. Now instead I can just tell another tale of why you shouldn't date dudes you meet when you are drunk.

From a boy's point of view...

A friend of mine (who i actually met through an internet dating site, OH MY!) has recently delved into the whole dating world. He is out to prove, its not just girls that have shit for luck. And, in this case, ok fine its true.


Consider this proof that it isn't any easier for a guy to find someone worth dating.

So I got a message on okcupid, the girl looked really hot in her pictures, and we had a lot in common. In her third message to me, she asked me to hang out and gave me her phone number. This struck me as odd, because this was only 3 messages in, and all 3 messages took place in the same afternoon. I figured what the hell, and called her up.

Now this chick was latina, which was cool, but talking to her on the phone I could tell there was gonna be a problem. Her accent was heavy and I got the feeling like she didn't know how to speak en ingles. The phone conversation wasn't THAT bad though, or at least that's what I was willing to convince myself.

The date was scheduled for a few days later. I went into the city and waited at a bar...she was going to come meet me after she got out of work.

Let me just say, from the second she walked into the bar I knew I was screwed. She walked in and I knew I wasn't attracted to her, but I figured what the hell. Then she sat down and opened her mouth....GOD THE HORROR. I'm really not that picky (I promise), but her teeth were dark brown and pointing in several different directions. And her breath was funky.

Not that she said anything. She didn't really talk or drink, so we sat there while I drank 2 or 3 beers. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go to the bathroom and climb out a window. But I stayed. Then we left the bar and she suggested we get sushi. I agreed. Why did I agree...???? Argh.

So we walk to this sushi bar and again, I'm doing all the talking. She's really awkward and doesn't seem into me. I don't seem into her. Still, we're going through the motions. We eat a couple of sushi rolls and exit. I start the whole "Well, it's getting late routine (even though it was only about 9pm)" and she again insists we do something else.

We end up at another bar. I'm drinking. I'm talking. She's sitting there. Saying nothing. Drinking nothing. Still with the foul breath when she does talk. Oh god. Oh god. Help me.

Finally we leave this bar and at this point it's raining. She has to get to the train. The station is 5 blocks in the opposite direction from where my car is. She says "you don't have to walk me if you don't want." I say ok, have a good night, go in for an awkward hug, SHE DOESN'T HUG BACK. Awesome.

Two blocks later, I get a text: "Hey I thought things were going really well but I guess you just weren't that into me. Have a nice life"

What the fuck? Did she really think that was a good date? And why did I stay that long? I need to learn to be more of a dick. The date was like FIVE HOURS and cost me $80+.

When will I ever learn?